| Jing 的个人资料Feeling照片日志留言簿 |  工具  帮助 |
|
11月11日 One year almost past
I just realized that I haven't had new entries on my
blog for a fairly long time. Almost a year past before I knew it. As December comes close, I feel like I didn’t do much this year besides working everyday. Then, I let my
memories flash back and realized the change was actually dramatic … maybe not
dramatic, but remarkable enough, haha… so I guess
things just happen as the time goes by… Well, don’t get me wrong. Most of them are good stuff, like enjoy
spending every weekend with Dave, even though we fight sometimes, haha…  Seriously
though, so...so...so many good and bad news flying around about my beloved motherland China this year: the heavy snow
storm at the beginning of the year, the heartbreaking earthquake, the breathtaking Olympics,
the tainted milk scandal, etc. etc. I felt deeply sympathetic when I heard
workers couldn't get back to their rural area home for Chinese
New Year on time, because for a lot of those people, it is
the only chance to see their kids for the whole year. My
heart sank gravely when I saw people mourn for their
lost of family
members in the earthquake. My tears came out cheerfully when I watched the athletes and volunteers made the Beijing Olympics a monumental success in the Olympics history. It touched me badly when I saw athletes from other
countries holding signs with "Thank
You, China"
on it. China, after
gotten fiercely struck twice (snow storm and earthquake), still stood steady and showed the world
her beauty through the Olympics. SHE showed the world her energetic spirit and generous embracement.
Daily news in America
often talks about the censorship of Chinese
government and Chinese people's blind trust in the government. I am specifically annoyed by one news anchor
in CNN, every time, seriously, every time, instead of just saying “China,
bla…bla…bla…”, he would say “Communist China, bla…bla…bla…” Ridiculous! News
bias! I admit that there are many areas China needs improvement, but which
country doesn’t. On the other hand though, I believe these criticisms are good
for China.
Since other countries have higher expectations to us, we could take these criticisms
as a multi-direction self-exam mirror. Step by step, we make progress. It is
not gonna happen overnight, but I have faith in our people. US presidential election is over
now, but I am truly impressed by this nation’s involvement on this election. “Economy
Crash”, “Disappointment on Bush Administration (Republican Party)”, “War in
Iraq”, “First African-American candidate”, “First female VP candidate”, and
etc. etc. made this election more interesting than ever, but what impressed me most
was the whole nation’s participation on voting – no matter who they vote for. I
hope this is something Chinese citizen could learn from – raising the sensitivity
of voting. Your vote matters. Oh, wow, I think it is too long already, so I am gonna stop right here. Well, I
don’t know when my next entry will be. We will see, haha…
1月24日 A love song其实这首歌已经听到过很多很多遍了，一直觉得音乐很舒服，但是从来没认真听过这首歌。今天无意中看到这首歌的MTV，看着歌词，第一回很仔细的听了这首歌。。。 Plain White T的 "Hey There Delilah" 是一首悠畅且充满热情和向往的歌。。。虽然是一首情歌，但是可以由情歌联想到我们生活的方方面面。。。 人生中有很多身不由己，但是每个人都努力的寻找着最好的解决方法，怀着希望和几分忧愁，不停的前进。。。 这就象我喜欢的那就话“乘风破浪会有时 直挂云帆济沧海”。。。 9月24日 Touched by a friend...I was worried about things lately...
Just got an email from a friend...she was one of the international students going to Valparaiso University the same time as me...I really enjoyed talking to her...we talked about a little bit of everything...but she aleady went back to her home country...
In the email, she told me through a song "Don't be afraid of what you can't see now...believe your strength that can face what exists in front of you right now".
I am telling myself the same things all the time when I get scared...just sometimes it is really nice that there is a friend who really understands my feeling and trys to encourage me through her way...especially friends who are far away from me...but still give you their care through emails...
I don't think I can go through all these (hard time abroad) without the support of my parents (financially and mentally) and my dear friends who gave me happy time together...
To whom loves me: Don't worry... The life here makes me even much stronger... I won't get scared (at least try not to)... I will make my life more beautiful... And, don't you, my dear friends, get scared of the difficult time on your way either...
Let's all work hard and make happy faces... *^_^* 8月21日 What is LOVE?I am SO touched while reading it towards the end. What is Love? You may find the definition in the below cartoon. 5月27日 Bridal ShowerI went to an American bridal shower this morning, and I found something different in American people's aspect...
Basically, Bride Shower is an oppotunity for the bride's friends to buy gifts for her.
That is the core, I caught after I attended it.
Well, the weird thing to me was the bride actually already listed the things she wanted on the invitation cards. It says on the cards "Groom and bride are registered at Target & PierOne.com (these two are big chain stores in America). If gift cards are your thing...consider one from Lifestyles (store name)...they love that store!" Well, it is like asking people to "go to the store...buy things I like for me...come to the shower and give them to me". I don't know how we Chinese people do it right now, but as far as I know there is never a thing as listing gifts for people to buy. I guess it is okay, cause it saves everybody's time for picking a gift (you are going to buy something anyway), but I just feel kinda weird...it is so...how to say...economical... Good? Bad? Who knows?
So...when the bride was opening these gifts, it was actually not suprised at all, cause she picked them...just didn't buy them. I believe everyone likes surprises, especially from their loved ones for special days. Well, the bride got things she likeed, so I guess that is what matters most...just surprise-less...
One more funny thing... The host actually handed out envelops to people who brought gifts for the bride and said "Please write down your address for 'thank you' letter." I felt it was just ridiculous, because "thank you" letter is supposed to be an appreciation. We care about our guests, and of course, we know our friends, where they live, how many people in their families, and etc. I felt bad about it; it is like telling them to "write down your address...then we will send you a letter to say 'thank you'...otherwise we will probably forget you." What do you think about that? Again, saving time???
When do we become so careless for special things...something would happen just once in people's life?
When do we handle these special things so formalizd?
...... An old song...You Are My Sunshine
You are my sunshine my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are grey You'll never know dear how much I love you Please don't take my sunshine away The other night dear when I was sleeping I dreamed I held you in my arms When I awoke dear I was mistaken So I held my head and cried I still miss you... 5月20日 Sadness.I feel sooooooo sad these days, because my friends are leaving one by one after graduation.
I have two sweet Japanese friends who came to Valpo the same time as me, and most of my friends were left since then. They are the only two left this semester, and now they are leaving... I hate to say goodbye to them, and I really hope they could stay with me. Reading the cards they just gave me, thinking about the happy time together, and saying "take care" to each other just make me sooooooo sad...
Usually, the warm weather should make people happy, but this summer, at least now, the warm weather makes me even more sad. Because the weather is so nice and I should go out have fun with my friends, however, they are leaving and just leave me here.
This summer is just gonna be only me. 4月30日 My dear mommy.I always feel sooooo happy and relaxed when I talk to my mom, the two of us can just go on and on and on...talking. Yesterday night, we talked on the phone for about one and half hours, and I didn't even realize that we talked that long.
Jim (my host dad) said my mom is a very attractive woman. I do agree, even though she couldn't speak any English, she is still very charming wherever she goes. She is the kinda of woman that people would be really happy just being with her.
My mom lost her mom when she was only two and she had a stepmother who treated her badly, but she really IS a tough cookie. After she married to my dad, she dedicates her life and love to the whole family, not only to me, my dad, but also to my grandfather (my dad side), grandmother (my dad side), my dad's brothers' families... There are so many wonderful stories about her that I can keep talking forever, and my eyes always get wet when I tell these stories.
My mom influences me a lot. People say I smile all the time, and I know because my mom smiles all the time.
I love my mom so much... I really miss her...  4月26日 Infernal AffairsI downloaded Infernal Affairs for him, but he could not finish watching all three of them because of the subtitle problem. Anyway, I watched all three of them myself again, and I feel I still love the movie so very much. I like the way the movie carves the inside of human being, fear, love, jealousy, control...in an extreme, but clever way.
Everyone has different desires; under all these desires, everyone is playing his/her own opera. It seems there is no right or wrong, just left normal or abnormal...
I like the language too...I mean the way people talking to each other in the movie. It is not like The Deparded using so many f-words. The words we use are pretty clever and concise. Touche!
Anyway, make sure you go watch all three of them together if you haven't watched them yet. Men and WomenI am amazed how men and women are created in this world and how they need each other, work, friendship, relationship...father and mother...father and daughter...mother and son...brother and sister...girlfriend and boyfriend...husband and wife...
I believe when two people fall in love, they want to stay together and do things together; of course, they want to know each other more... I guess the highest level would be like they know each other so well that they could communicate without saying anything. :)
I was on a cruise yesterday on the Lake Michigan. People were eating steak, drinking one glass by another, and dancing with strangers... I was just sitting by the window and looking at the beautiful view of the lake. To me, it seems all the nosie was blocked out of my ears...only left my peaceful mind thinking of him...only if he could sit by me and enjoy the view together...
Last week, I went to a bar with my friend I know from work, and she brought some of her other friends. We were having some drink, and my friend asked one of her friends how many men she loved before. The answer was "none". The second question was how many men she slept with. The answer was "a lot". I was shocked at the moment. I heared these kinds of things from friends' friends' friend, or from movie maybe, but it was my first time that I heared it by my own ears. It is just tooooo sad that she never loved anyone in her life. How can she even kiss or sleep with somebody she doesn't even like? Being in America, I hear people talking about sex all the time. Maybe it is common, but at that moment I couldn't help feel sympathetic to her, poor girl. And I felt happy that I have one who loves me and I love him.
I still believe that feeling of love is muuuuuch mooooore important than anything else... Sometimes, a warm hug, or talking on the phone, or just knowing each other is doing well could bring a sweet feeling into the heart. It is one kind of happiness knowing that somewhere, there is somebody who cares about you all the time.
Hope my relationship will grow stronger and stronger. *^_^* 4月16日 What matters most?I want to write this entry a long time ago...finally...I find the time and energy to finish it.
This conversation happened last year, sometime in October:
A Christian (excited with shining eyes): See, God is so power! He created a world, not too hot, not too cold, just right for people to live!
Me (saying reluctantly): Yeah, He is...
Me (true thought): Well, the world cannot be too hot or too cold, because if the world is too cold, there will not be any creation; if the world is too hot, there will not be any creation either. It is not about the God; it is the Nature.
(I didn't express my true thought to her, because I didn't want to break her heart. God is the only belief to her. She is a good friend of mine, and she is a believer who believes everything about God.)
I still do not know how the world came from, but at least I could not be convinced that God created it. I like Christian community. It brings families together. After five-day work, people get together in the church on Sunday and share their stories happened in the past week, sweet, bitter, difficulties, happyness... Also, they get education from the Sunday service which helps them to release their pressure from the work and family. However, I still doubt these stories about the origin of the universe in the Bible.
This news I heared at the begining of this year: There are Christians who are doing bad things, and I can always hear stories about some Christians cheat people's money in their churchs. Of course, there are Christians who are doing wonderful jobs and help people around them, even outside their country. My theory: I still think the most important and basic element is PEOPLE. It is not God, it is not Buddha...It is People. People just use different religions to educate their believers in different countries. What matters most? They are my new thoughts, after another two months. Do I have to be borthered by Christian or non-Christian? No, definitely not. I learned not every Christian believes every word in the Bible. It depends on People as well. Some of them believe everything, and some of them just believe part of it. Anyway, if we are learning to be good, then it is a good thing. That is what matters most, isn't it?
Nothing is perfect. Because there are so many flaws, our world becomes interesting and colorful. Each of us living in the world should try our best to be good. However, what is "good"? That is what People always try to teach, and we always try to learn and try to get better and better... 4月3日 Happy...and...Worried...and...Happy is more than WorriedI really made a big big big move today.
At that moment, I know what I need to do is just following my heart......
We are more than just friends for a long time, but I always think that it would get too hard for us if we get together now, cause I would go back to China, and he would keep his study here. I struggled...
Also, it's always very hard for me to say "something" first. My best friend, she is really shy, but she actually told her boyfriend (now) that she likes him before they got together; they'v been together for about four years since then...A beautiful story! I was kinda shocked when she told me. There was no way I would believe her at first, cause she is a very very shy girl, but she is so brave to show her affection. I told one of my close friends that if I fall in love with someone here, I would tell him by the time I'm about to go back to China. I would call him and tell him that I like him when I am in the airport, haha...... really just kidding... but kinda pathetic, I would say... haha...
So...I thought we would just keep enjoying the moment we spend together, even though we are not boyfriend and girlfriend, but we are really enjoying the time together. However, I was still struggling, cause the more we spent time together, the more I would think of us - what kinda of relationship are we in?
I was also worried about what if he says something to me, and I don't know how to answer. Actually, when he asked me if we could be in a relationship, I was really peaceful in my heart. I feel so nature...(probably I already know in my heart) Then I started to talk to him about how difficulty it would be, bla... bla... And he just said if we don't try, how we could possibly know what gonna happen later. Yes, he is absolutely right. I was being weak and not brave enough to follow my heart, probably, just because I am afraid to get hurt. I believe he is aware of the difficulties between us too, but he chose to face it. Now, I am with him and I have faith on him!
He is the one who brought me to my dream forest. It is my dream since I was very little. Now, not only I found my dream forest, but also him. :)
I am very happy, and of course, worried as well.
I believe time will test ture love! 3月29日 My Supervisor, Super!I am sooooo happy to see my supervisor in the school cafeteria during my lunch today, cause she is the kind of person who has the miraculous power to make you feel happy just being with her.
She told me she's gonna quit her job at school and be a truck driver. Why? Yes, of course I asked why. Because her husband is a truck driver, and she always goes with him when she has vacation time. Now if she gets her own license, she could help out with the driving and "RUN" with him all the time. Also, she is an American, but her husband couldn't understand English very well before (I guess it is better now and I forget which country her husband comes from). However, she is always so happy and enjoys her life so very much. It really brings encouragement to me sometimes. Even though our lives are very different, but her attitude to her life is a great example for me. Some people say I have a very positive attitude; yes, I agree, in some ways, but compare to her, I could learn more......
I am "running" for my life and wondering who's gonna "run" with me. 3月20日 What is patriotic?Patriotic is not supporting my country BLINDLY.
WHY do we urge Japanese to admit their history - "The Rape of Nanking", while we are trying to hide our history - "The Tiananmen Square democracy movement"?
History is History! We have to admit it! Blocking is not the smart way to prevent our people from knowing the truth.
A country is like a person. How can a person not make any mistakes in his or her whole life? In the contrary, won't people give us credits after we turely admit our mistakes.
Life is about learning, so is history! 2月26日 Mourn the loss of my grandfather妈妈的妈妈在她两岁的时候去世了。虽然妈妈的爸爸很疼她，但是妈妈的后母对她很不好。接着，妈妈的爸爸在妈妈的女儿两岁的时候去世了。妈妈非常伤心。妈妈知道没有妈妈是什么滋味，所以妈妈非常非常疼爱她的女儿。女儿很幸福，有爸爸、妈妈疼，虽然没有了外公、外婆，但是她有最最爱她的爸爸、妈妈。
女儿长大了一点以后，妈妈告诉女儿，外公、外婆一开始不是很疼女儿。因为她是一个女孩子，外公、外婆有老思想，认为男孩子比女孩子好，但是妈妈告诉女儿，妈妈爱她，女儿是妈妈的心肝宝贝。妈妈对爷爷、奶奶非常的好，爷爷、奶奶也很感动，妈妈成了爷爷、奶奶最喜欢的儿媳妇。奶奶生病的守候，妈妈悉心的照顾她，奶奶非常感动。妈妈说，妈妈没有了自己的亲生妈妈，所以妈妈要好好照顾她现在的妈妈。
女儿慢慢长大了，她很乖，所以爷爷、奶奶也越来越喜欢她，她也喜欢爷爷、奶奶，经常放学以后待在爷爷、奶奶家玩，然后等爸爸、妈妈接她回家。小学六年级，女儿在上课，舅舅突然跑来教室告诉她，奶奶去世了。女儿很伤心，妈妈告诉女儿，奶奶会在天上看着大家，让大家过的好好的。
然后，女儿上了初中、高中、大学，然后去了国外。爸爸、妈妈非常支持女儿在国外的学习和生活。因为在国外，第一次女儿不能和爸爸、妈妈一起过年，女儿很想念爸爸、妈妈。第二年，女儿还是不能和爸爸、妈妈一起过年，女儿非常的想家，心里盼着明年回家和家里人一起过年。但是，大年初七，女儿得知，年迈的爷爷去世了。女儿难受极了，她连爷爷的最后一面也没有见到。然后女儿安慰自己说，爷爷的晚年过得很幸福，有那么多家人关心他，照顾他，爷爷应该会安息了。
现在，女儿没有了外公、外婆、爷爷、奶奶。女儿对自己说要坚强，因为女儿还有非常爱她的爸爸、妈妈！女儿对自己说要努力，因为她要让她的爸爸、妈妈过的很幸福！
爷爷，希望您在天上支持您的孙女，我永远记着您！ 2月18日 One and Half...One and half years, the same person, the same voice, the same way of talking... It seems nothing has been changed.
Anyway, Happy New Year again! Wish everything is okay with me, haha... 2月8日 Is it an encourage to myself? I don't know, but I will see.My cousin just sent me some photos - when both of us were so little...
(I put them in the photo album.)
Under the one child policy in China, my nine-month-younger cousin became my closest blood-related "brother". We were always together when we were little. We were watching cartoons and imitating the characters in the cartoons together; we were laughing at each other because of the silly things we did; we were playing all kinds of games together; we were traveling together...... Some of them I cannot remember very clearly, but when I was looking at these pics, all kinds of happy feeling came to my mind, and I could not stop smiling in my heart. What a happy and simple childhood we had! Suddenly, I realise how much I had grown up. When my cousin are already working in the his field, when some of my friends in China got married, when I start to search for my job, when my mom begins to tell me to find a right one for myself, when the topic between some of my friends in China become work and marriage, I begin to realize that I am not a small little girl anymore. Then I start to wonder what kind of life I really want. A career I like belongs to myself and a family I love with my beloved man and children... we will go travel once a while... we will have family dinner together... we will share the most intimate things in the family... we will have an arguement sometimes... we will face the difficulties together... we will take care of each other's parents together... live happily-ever-after... I guess that is my dream for my life, nothing fancy, but very comfory. I hope my dream will come ture someday. At that time, I can show this article to my children when they face their cross and tell them: "See, you mom did it, so will you; just keep working hard, don't lose faith in yourself, don't give up, and you will get the kind of life you like."
2月3日 "I" am sorry?I hate people say "I am sorry" to me when they hear there is something bad happened to me; like, sick, stuff lost or car broken. It sounds like it's their fault: they made me sick, they caused your stuff lost, or they broke your car. Apparently, it is NOT their fault, and they don't need to say "sorry" to me. They were released because they said they were sorry. What an excellent sentence! Can't they just say "Did you take any medicine?" or "Did you check the closet yet?" or "Did you fix it yet?"......instead? Probably, it is one part of American culture, but I'm just so sick of the sentence right now. I'm trying to get used to it though, and actually I think already get used to it, just still DO NOT like it. But still, there is exception. There are some friends who said they are sorry to me; furthermore, they try to find a way to help me. And I really appreciate that!!! Just a reminder here to whomever: After you said "I am sorry" with a painful face, please don't just "walk away" like nothing is happening, IF you think the person you are talking to IS your FRIEND. 1月31日 From the headacheI got headache on the train on my way home tonight. Looking at the couple holding each other in front of me, I couldn't stop thinking if only there was one I really trust that I could put my head on his shoulder and just feel relaxed and safe...
One of my friends asked me: "Do you know why there are so many people taking train to go to work in Chicago? You know they need to get up very early and it is very tiring." I said no. Then he told me it is for their families. It is very expensive to have a house or an apartment in the good areas in Chicago, and the schools are not that good in the poor areas. Being parents, they would rather commute everyday to give their kids good education and living environment.
Cheers! For the love of all the parents! |
|
|
