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30 avril My dear mommy.I always feel sooooo happy and relaxed when I talk to my mom, the two of us can just go on and on and on...talking. Yesterday night, we talked on the phone for about one and half hours, and I didn't even realize that we talked that long.
Jim (my host dad) said my mom is a very attractive woman. I do agree, even though she couldn't speak any English, she is still very charming wherever she goes. She is the kinda of woman that people would be really happy just being with her.
My mom lost her mom when she was only two and she had a stepmother who treated her badly, but she really IS a tough cookie. After she married to my dad, she dedicates her life and love to the whole family, not only to me, my dad, but also to my grandfather (my dad side), grandmother (my dad side), my dad's brothers' families... There are so many wonderful stories about her that I can keep talking forever, and my eyes always get wet when I tell these stories.
My mom influences me a lot. People say I smile all the time, and I know because my mom smiles all the time.
I love my mom so much... I really miss her...  26 avril Infernal AffairsI downloaded Infernal Affairs for him, but he could not finish watching all three of them because of the subtitle problem. Anyway, I watched all three of them myself again, and I feel I still love the movie so very much. I like the way the movie carves the inside of human being, fear, love, jealousy, control...in an extreme, but clever way.
Everyone has different desires; under all these desires, everyone is playing his/her own opera. It seems there is no right or wrong, just left normal or abnormal...
I like the language too...I mean the way people talking to each other in the movie. It is not like The Deparded using so many f-words. The words we use are pretty clever and concise. Touche!
Anyway, make sure you go watch all three of them together if you haven't watched them yet. Men and WomenI am amazed how men and women are created in this world and how they need each other, work, friendship, relationship...father and mother...father and daughter...mother and son...brother and sister...girlfriend and boyfriend...husband and wife...
I believe when two people fall in love, they want to stay together and do things together; of course, they want to know each other more... I guess the highest level would be like they know each other so well that they could communicate without saying anything. :)
I was on a cruise yesterday on the Lake Michigan. People were eating steak, drinking one glass by another, and dancing with strangers... I was just sitting by the window and looking at the beautiful view of the lake. To me, it seems all the nosie was blocked out of my ears...only left my peaceful mind thinking of him...only if he could sit by me and enjoy the view together...
Last week, I went to a bar with my friend I know from work, and she brought some of her other friends. We were having some drink, and my friend asked one of her friends how many men she loved before. The answer was "none". The second question was how many men she slept with. The answer was "a lot". I was shocked at the moment. I heared these kinds of things from friends' friends' friend, or from movie maybe, but it was my first time that I heared it by my own ears. It is just tooooo sad that she never loved anyone in her life. How can she even kiss or sleep with somebody she doesn't even like? Being in America, I hear people talking about sex all the time. Maybe it is common, but at that moment I couldn't help feel sympathetic to her, poor girl. And I felt happy that I have one who loves me and I love him.
I still believe that feeling of love is muuuuuch mooooore important than anything else... Sometimes, a warm hug, or talking on the phone, or just knowing each other is doing well could bring a sweet feeling into the heart. It is one kind of happiness knowing that somewhere, there is somebody who cares about you all the time.
Hope my relationship will grow stronger and stronger. *^_^* 16 avril What matters most?I want to write this entry a long time ago...finally...I find the time and energy to finish it.
This conversation happened last year, sometime in October:
A Christian (excited with shining eyes): See, God is so power! He created a world, not too hot, not too cold, just right for people to live!
Me (saying reluctantly): Yeah, He is...
Me (true thought): Well, the world cannot be too hot or too cold, because if the world is too cold, there will not be any creation; if the world is too hot, there will not be any creation either. It is not about the God; it is the Nature.
(I didn't express my true thought to her, because I didn't want to break her heart. God is the only belief to her. She is a good friend of mine, and she is a believer who believes everything about God.)
I still do not know how the world came from, but at least I could not be convinced that God created it. I like Christian community. It brings families together. After five-day work, people get together in the church on Sunday and share their stories happened in the past week, sweet, bitter, difficulties, happyness... Also, they get education from the Sunday service which helps them to release their pressure from the work and family. However, I still doubt these stories about the origin of the universe in the Bible.
This news I heared at the begining of this year: There are Christians who are doing bad things, and I can always hear stories about some Christians cheat people's money in their churchs. Of course, there are Christians who are doing wonderful jobs and help people around them, even outside their country. My theory: I still think the most important and basic element is PEOPLE. It is not God, it is not Buddha...It is People. People just use different religions to educate their believers in different countries. What matters most? They are my new thoughts, after another two months. Do I have to be borthered by Christian or non-Christian? No, definitely not. I learned not every Christian believes every word in the Bible. It depends on People as well. Some of them believe everything, and some of them just believe part of it. Anyway, if we are learning to be good, then it is a good thing. That is what matters most, isn't it?
Nothing is perfect. Because there are so many flaws, our world becomes interesting and colorful. Each of us living in the world should try our best to be good. However, what is "good"? That is what People always try to teach, and we always try to learn and try to get better and better... 3 avril Happy...and...Worried...and...Happy is more than WorriedI really made a big big big move today.
At that moment, I know what I need to do is just following my heart......
We are more than just friends for a long time, but I always think that it would get too hard for us if we get together now, cause I would go back to China, and he would keep his study here. I struggled...
Also, it's always very hard for me to say "something" first. My best friend, she is really shy, but she actually told her boyfriend (now) that she likes him before they got together; they'v been together for about four years since then...A beautiful story! I was kinda shocked when she told me. There was no way I would believe her at first, cause she is a very very shy girl, but she is so brave to show her affection. I told one of my close friends that if I fall in love with someone here, I would tell him by the time I'm about to go back to China. I would call him and tell him that I like him when I am in the airport, haha...... really just kidding... but kinda pathetic, I would say... haha...
So...I thought we would just keep enjoying the moment we spend together, even though we are not boyfriend and girlfriend, but we are really enjoying the time together. However, I was still struggling, cause the more we spent time together, the more I would think of us - what kinda of relationship are we in?
I was also worried about what if he says something to me, and I don't know how to answer. Actually, when he asked me if we could be in a relationship, I was really peaceful in my heart. I feel so nature...(probably I already know in my heart) Then I started to talk to him about how difficulty it would be, bla... bla... And he just said if we don't try, how we could possibly know what gonna happen later. Yes, he is absolutely right. I was being weak and not brave enough to follow my heart, probably, just because I am afraid to get hurt. I believe he is aware of the difficulties between us too, but he chose to face it. Now, I am with him and I have faith on him!
He is the one who brought me to my dream forest. It is my dream since I was very little. Now, not only I found my dream forest, but also him. :)
I am very happy, and of course, worried as well.
I believe time will test ture love! |
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